if you like me you must not know who I am
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize