I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
