Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
