a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
