dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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