All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dignity is for republicans.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize