The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
