we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Mom said you looked used
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
