1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
