and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize