We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
