so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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