its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I have aggressive nipples.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Are these your boobs on my camera?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
