...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize