yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
