So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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