chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
