I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I have tasted many bathrooms
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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