Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
