Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
my liver is dry heaving
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
