you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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