Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
