I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
