apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize