They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I could fuck to npr.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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