I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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