did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
