Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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