Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
