You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
should my penis look like a turkey
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
