Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
this boner is exhausting
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
