I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
