at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
