Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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