The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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