I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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