I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
