Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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