I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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