dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
