I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
