maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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