party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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