I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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