My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
