I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
