I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
