He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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