I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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