We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
