You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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