Just cropdusted the office
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
