i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
