she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Randomize
