I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
