Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize