Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
