could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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