He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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