Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
