I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Success! We fucked roommates!
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