The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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