the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
