we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
