are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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