it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize