I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
