this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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