There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
