i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
