i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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