She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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