You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
