you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
