seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
