I am spending my child support on dildos
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
