woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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