I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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