Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
is it fun? or sober?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
