Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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