My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
