I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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