Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I wear drunk well.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
