Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
