I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
