I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
