Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
