I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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