i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize