you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
