i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
