your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
