hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
