I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize