my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
