for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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