He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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