Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
