Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize