and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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