The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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