So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize