Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize