just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
