I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
