This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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