I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize