A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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