oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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