I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize