I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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