I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
