maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
