Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
